Book Review: Better Than Before

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Liveswas a complete surprise.  I expected it to be a memoir of the author's experiences changing her own habits with some "helpful hints" thrown in.  While that is an accurate assessment in some ways, it is incomplete.

Ms. Rubin is a fantastic (maybe fanatical?) researcher who dove deeply into facets of habit formation that I didn't even know existed.  She thoroughly investigated those whose habit formation was the antithesis of hers, tried to formulate a "why" and offered solutions unique to the individual.

One realization for me is that I am an "obliger" (author's term), one who easily and completely fulfills outside expectations (I return library books, pay my bills, show up to events on time) but who struggles with fulfilling internal expectations (exercise, daily quiet time, limits on media).  The author reinforced how important it is for us obligers to place external accountability on personal habits (Buddy up for exercise, pay to attend a class, etc.)  This has been helpful as I look to grow in areas that will bring me toward maturity in my faith and personal life while limiting those things that are holding me back.  Sally Clarkson referred to this as dropping my nets.  What nets do I need to drop to fully follow Jesus like the fisherman disciples did?  I need external accountability to help me drop my nets.

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Liveshas already been practical in my own life and I can see that it will be useful in helping my children to form their own lifelong habits.

Even if you are not looking to form or break a habit, this is a fascinating peek into one more way God created our minds to uniquely display His glory.  What works for one will not work for all.  Insightful, accurate, well-researched, I highly recommend this book.

I received this book for free in exchange for my honest review.
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Looking Forward to 2015

It's that time of year.  Whether you make resolutions or not, this time of year can be one for reflection on the past and planning ahead to the future.  I always make sure to take a few hours by myself at a coffee shop to ponder and pray before diving back into the regularity of daily life.  For 2015, my planning and goal setting will revolve around this wonderful new book, Own Your Life: Living with Deep Intention, Bold Faith, and Generous Loveby Sally Clarkson.  I will take the month of January to ponder what priorities God has for me, in my unique family, situation, and with my unique gifts and talents.

Here are some of the things I consider in the areas of marriage, parenting, homeschooling, health, homemaking, and ministry:

 -What went well last year?

 -What is God calling me to change?

 -Which routines are still working for our family?

 -Which routines need a tune-up and which can be dropped?

 -What friendships does God want me to invest in this year?  As finite humans, we can only sustain and deeply invest in a limited number of people- listen for those God would have you focus on this year.

 -What books do I want to read this year?  As a book hound, I've found that having a list keeps me on track to read some challenging classics as well as the just-for-fun reading.  I keep this list on the app, Good Reads and refer to it regularly.  

 -What crafts do I hope to complete this year?

Once I spend time praying over these things by myself, I share what I've learned with my husband as well as ask for his input for the upcoming year.  This is a special time of looking forward together and discuss goals for our family.

Another thing I try to do now (or at the start/end of a school year) is to ask my children some questions.

  -What have we done recently that you really enjoyed?  (I focus on homeschooling, but could apply to any area of their life.)

 -What sports are currently holding their interest?

 -Which friendships would they like to invest in more deeply this year?

 -Is there anything I can do differently to help them in their chores/school/family routines?

 -What would they like to learn about this year?

By asking these questions, I am listening to my kids' current interests and can tailor our calendar to include some of them.  One year, they both mentioned wanting to learn more about dinosaurs so we spent an entire week doing nothing but dinosaurs.  It was a special time of fun and learning in our home.   One child was also able to articulate that he didn't like being rushed.  I now try to slow my own words and actions and also to include more "cushion" into our day to accommodate his need for a slower pace.

Taking time to plan and pray gives me focus and intention to move into a new year.  "Where there is no vision, the people perish."  Proverbs 29:18.

Check out #ownyourlifebook on Instagram for some beautiful photos of ways other people plan to own their lives in 2015.

What do you do to move intentionally into a new year?

http://www.sallyclarkson.com/ownyourlife

the amazon affiliate links in this post help us fund our homeschool- thank you for clicking through.

Great Verse

I was praying about "understanding my human limits" (something Nora suggested I try to get a grasp on) and I found this verse... very applicable to me and my life. I need to know my limits and what I can reasonable do and feel in a day. and not "busy myself in vain." New Living says "all our busy rushing ends in nothing." Isn't THAT the truth???!!

Psa 39:4 - 6
"LORD, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
That I may know how frail I am.
Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my age is as nothing before You;
Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor.
Surely every man walks about like a shadow;
Surely they busy themselves in vain;

Great Email

This is from a dear friend in reply to my email of being overwhelmed last week. I think she's right on.

I wrote:
Having an overwhelmed day. Feeling nervous about starting school next week even though we’re “just” doing pre-k type stuff. Feeling inadequate esp. when compared to my teacher trained elem school friends. Feel insecure. Feel like I have to keep busy busy and feeling frantic though there isn’t really that much new stuff to do. Wanting to go through my house head to toe and get rid of more stuff – I don’t want to keep getting “stuff” and always have to be managing the “stuff.” Too tired and emotionally drained to have anything left for my poor husband and feeling bad about that on the one hand and “oh well. Too bad for him” on the other. Going to try to sit still and journal at nap time today… have such a need for constant productivity. Need for worth I think, but don’t really understand why. Trying to figure it out with my counselor. Unable to sit still. Feel like “if I can just…” in so many areas that the house would be under better control, but I know it’s not really true- at least not all the time. Lack of patience with my two year old. Tantrums are so draining.

My friend's reply:
I'm right there with you. I've had so many days like that. I have to believe that it's Satan. He doesn't want us at home. He doesn't want us to homeschool and he doesn't want us to have good marriages. I wish I had some great advice but lately I've found that all I can do is just lay it all before God and ask Him to help me and take over where I can't complete things.

You've always been such a successful and way-above-average person. It's hard to see a dirty toilet and mounds of dishes. Then see the reading lesson that you were supposed to finish 3 days ago still sitting on the "to-do" pile.

If it's any comfort... I did a HORRIBLE job with my son's school this year. He hardly got anything from me the entire 4 months that we had our foster child. It seemed like we always had to go to the dentist or doctor or grocery store and we were never "home" to homeschool. I just gave him an informal standardized test for first grade and he scored at the very top in all categories. I know that was God. It couldn't be the sorry performance I put in. I know that God is honoring our effort to follow His plan for us. Then it has become painfully obvious that our second son has learning problems. Two days ago this same son read a BOB book with 3 letter words. It was AWESOME and I had to hold back the tears so that he didn't think I'd totally lost it.

This is a war we are in but we don't have to worry about the outcome. God has already claimed the victory. There will be lots of pain. There will be tons of knocks to our self-worth and confidence. Just when we think we've relaxed and found a peaceful groove and routine, something else will come up.

Do you have a cleaning lady? Most homeschool moms I know say that they have very messy houses and they all have cleaning ladies too. We really can't afford it but we're going to anyway for my sanity, you know?

Yesterday, I went to a friend's house from church to return baby stuff she left me borrow. She is very rich and she lives in a huge mansion. The house has all handcrafted wood and marble. She has her own "school room" to homeschool her 4 kids. It's awesome. She has a cleaning lady 2 times per week. Must be nice, right? Well, I arrived much earlier than I thought and she wasn't home yet but her teenage daughter was. The house was a wreck! There were papers all over the floor. There were dirty dishes all over the fancy kitchen. It might sound mean but it made me feel so good. It made me feel like all the money in the world won't change my situation. I am going to make a big effort to quit beating myself up and just try to roll with life.

I heard a speaker say this one time and it has always stuck with me... If Jesus walked into your house right this very minute, what would he be impressed by? Would he care about the dust on the shelves? Would he care that your children are safe and feel loved? Would he care that there is a block of moldy cheese in the refrigerator drawer? I'm pretty sure that I know what He would care about and I'm just shooting for those things, you know?

I love you so much. I also admire you. You are doing God's work. He has given you a precious ministry to your family and you have "done well good and faithful servant." Know that you are deeply loved and revered and that there are a ton of us moms battling this out right along side you. (If you meet someone who seems like they've got it all together, they usually don't.) Things are usually so icky that they've learned how to cover it all up so that they don't have to face it or let anyone else see it. Don't listen to people who think that there is a way to "have it all" clean house, happy kids, brilliant kids, happy husband, skinny body, - it's a lie! We all fall short of perfect and all we can do is try to bring honor and glory to God every day. You have done that and you have shown others how to do that.

I love you, girl.

Take care.